Domestic violence education needed

Domestic violence is considered “a norm” by too many men and some women in today’s society – what we really need is a compulsory education about domestic violence and what a healthy relationship is – both in schools and across workplaces.

One woman killed by a present or former partner or spouse is one woman too many.

One of these women was 21-year-old Hannah Fisher from England – she was killed in 2009 after breaking up with her boyfriend.

Her mother, Debbie, and cousin, Leoni Harrison, are now campaigning for lessons on domestic violence to be made compulsory in schools.

Debbie says her daughter was “very bubbly, bright, loved reading and very chatty”.

She added: “She always wanted to see the best in people, she didn’t like people running anybody down.”

Hannah met her ex-boyfriend Simon when she was back in Swindon during a break from university.

He was having trouble getting a job and decided that the couple should move to Grantham in Lincolnshire together.

‘More controlling’
Debbie says that, at that early stage, there were no signs of him being particularly controlling and says that Hannah “was completely taken in by it”.

She says that from this point on, her and Hannah’s relationship started to break down as Simon started to tell her she wasn’t good enough to be at university.

“He started being less charming and more controlling,” she said.

“He stopped her seeing all her other friends. He wanted to know what she was doing all the time.”

Debbie says that one day Hannah called her and said she wanted to leave Simon. She says Hannah had lost lots of weight and didn’t look well when they brought her home.

They say they had “a really nice Christmas” but Debbie was worried that Simon was still in contact with her daughter.

“I took her back up [to Leicester] on the Sunday before university was going to start,” she said. “That was the last time I ever saw her alive.”

Wiltshire police say they found Hannah’s body at Simon’s bedsit.

“He murdered her, then left and killed himself,” she said.

She says she thinks that Hannah met up with Simon after he had got hold of her new mobile number and told her he just wanted to be friends.

Police say that they believe Simon threw himself off the roof of the building later that night.

“We’ll never know the full details,” said Debbie. “I don’t want people to forget who she was and what she went through.

Characteristic Behaviour

Click for a full-size image.

The table shows some of the warning signs, behaviours and situations that characterize a relation containing abuse. Perpetrators of abuse are often very clever and manipulative and often blame you as a victim.

You are YOU and if you feel that you have to change who you are to make a partner or someone else happy, then it is a warning bell. Remember that abuse is never your fault! It is everyone’s human right to live a life free from any form of violence and abuse.

To break out of a violent and abusive relationship can be a difficult process. But we all need to pull together to inform and to be alert for warning signs such as these in our own lives as well as in the lives of our friends and relatives, and so that vulnerable women get to know their rights and so that they know that someone out there cares and listens and take their situation seriously. Physical, emotional, sexual and psychological abuses are criminal acts!

It’s time to break the silence

We have to dare to see the problems of domestic violence in society and to dare to bring it up in the light. The responsibility to do so lies with us all – it’s not just a problem for those abused, but for all of society, women as well as men.
Some of the major roads to find solutions is to engage all those who stand on the sidelines. Neighbours, relatives, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, school friends… That we dare to see, that we dare to listen, dare to bother, dare to reach out…

One of the biggest problems today is that there are too many holes in society’s safety net where too many of the vulnerable women fall through – without being heard, without being seen, without being helped.
Together we must begin to dare. Dare to challenge the norms of society in terms of violence, power and masculinity. We must dare to change. And above all we must dare to act together – both on an individual level and on a larger social level. Each of us can play an incredibly important role in a single woman’s abusive and vulnerable situation.

How much it means to reach out a hand

Social contacts are often lost when you live in an abusive relationship, whether it’s about control, fear or lack of money.
Friends, relatives, etc. often eventually stops to keep in touch when they think you don’t care, or they think you don’t want any contact because they never hear from you, you don’t respond to text messages etc.. – But when what it’s all about is not having the money to top up the phone or you’re unable to pay for a coffee if you go out to meet up with friends.
Social contacts are broken down and the isolation, lack of money, fear and lost friendships often becomes a giant Catch22.
As a friend or family member we must be vigilant for these kinds of signals, reach out a hand, have a listening ear and do not be afraid to ask if everything is ok. To be there for the abused woman.