Make a change, make a difference

Are you also tired of all the empty words from politicians and where nothing seems to be done to make a change? Are you also tired of the constant and widespread lack of affordable housing, sky-high homelessness figures and domestic violence where women have nowhere to go when they leave an abusive relationship, due to crowded refuges and lack of housing?

Then I hope to see you journey with me as I go live with my Crowdfunding project on Rockethub. Apart from raising funds to initially get my book published, I will create an organisation focusing on a new, groundbreaking way of affordable housing and also a holistic way to support, connect and empower women subjected to domestic abuse and violence.

Thank you!

Women and children are being turned away from refuges

Services to help female victims of domestic violence are at “breaking point” because of “shocking gaps” in funding, Women’s Aid UK has warned.

The charity said that, on one day in 2013, 155 women and 103 children were turned away from refuges in England.

The government could reduce the number of women and children hurt and killed by ensuring adequate funding, it added.

Women’s Aid, which has published the results of its annual survey, supports more than 350 domestic and sexual violence services across England.

Its survey found that:

• Across 150 organisations that responded, 112 specialist posts were lost in 2013 with the majority due to cuts in funding.

• Some 9,577 women and 10,117 children were given refuge accommodation last year by responding organisations.

• On the survey’s “snapshot” day – 27 June 2013 – 155 women and 103 children were turned away from the first refuge they approached.

“Over 1.2 million women were estimated to have experienced domestic violence last year and two women a week are killed by perpetrators.”

On a daily basis, women subjected to domestic violence are being denied specialist support and justice as services are being hollowed out.

Too many women and children are being denied the help and support they need to keep them safe.

Domestic violence reports to the police are going up, yet there has been an 11% drop in prosecutions since the police cuts started and specialist domestic violence units have been hit.

Transformation and change

To see a transformation and change in society and violence against women, an important area is that we need lessons about gender equality and domestic violence to be added to the school curriculum.

There should be compulsory education on domestic violence as schools could play an important part teaching children that domestic violence is not normal and to teach healthy relationships and respect. This could be done in different ways – it could be explored in workshops and assemblies in schools, as well as being part of some of the lessons.
Also that children learn about gender equality, and that teachers clamp down on sexist and sexual bullying in the classroom to show that this type of behaviour is not ok.

A leading cause of homelessness

All over the world domestic violence is a leading cause of homelessness for women and children, and a lack of affordable housing options is regularly reported by survivors as one of the primary barriers to escaping abuse. Housing programmes provide critical services for survivors of domestic violence and are often a key component that allows survivors to flee the violence perpetrated against them. A woman shouldn’t have to be forced to return to an abusive relationship, and sometimes life-threatening situation, because of lack of affordable housing.

That is why we need to see more of a ‘smarter’ way of building. I am personally fed up hearing politicians and governments saying over and over again “we can’t afford new housing, we can’t afford to build”.

And while this sort of attitude just keeps going on day in and day out, hundreds of thousands of women and children live in fear in their own homes.

Where there is a will, there is a way. I am determined there is a more cost-efficient way of building and a more affordable way of housing.

Apart from the actual building itself, there needs to be more of housing programmes which would vary to include short and long-term housing, job opportunities and different types of support services that work to meet the individual needs of survivors. The ‘after-care’ is just as important as the actual moment a woman leaves an abusive relationship – it’s during the after-care that she will have a chance to re-build both her practical- and emotional life.

And to be able to have her own safe home is a very big and important part of making all this possible and to end the destructive cycle she is in.

It shouldn’t hurt to go home

The lack of affordable housing is one of the biggest reasons many women subjected to domestic abuse have nowhere to go, nowhere to turn. We see sheltered housing and refuges are full in most countries and cities, and when women who need to flee with short notice, a lot of the time there is no available space for them, so often there is no other option but to return to an abusive partner, many times fearing for her life.
The women already in the refuges have to stay on as no affordable housing is available, making it harder for ‘newly arrived’ women to get a place at the refuge. In other words, the lack of housing ‘plugs up’ the whole system.
So, the root cause? The solution? No matter how many refuges we have, the root cause and what we really need to look at for long-term solutions is housing.

Keep an eye out for my upcoming Crowdfunding campaign where housing is one of the issues I will be focusing on.
We need to build smarter, cheaper and more efficiently. Housing less expensive to build and less expensive to live in. So that more people will have the chance to have a decent and affordable home. A home without fear and abuse. A home it shouldn’t hurt to go home to.

 

Women with disabilities excluded from domestic abuse law

Women with disabilities excluded from domestic abuse law, say campaigners.

Male carers who can prove they are acting in their partners’ interests would escape punishment under the new ‘coercive control’ legislation in the UK. Read the whole article from the Guardian.

 

To create opportunities and break destructive cycles

The Society for Child Development in India runs a programme where they take in tonnes of flower waste produced by temples and hotels in Delhi and turn it into organic skin-friendly powdered colours for Hindu festivals.

The director of the group, Dr Madhumita Puri, says that though society has been tackling the issue of poverty, it remains one of the greatest unsolved problems of the current generation. “The process does not just reduce waste but creates livelihoods”.

The organisation says charity is not a solution. What they look for is a market to sell their goods.

“There is only one solution that really strikes me, says Dr Puri – that there has to be a business solution, a business solution where everybody comes in,” she says.

“What does that person that’s in the vulnerable position do? The person has to learn the skills to run a business and that’s what our aim is – to provide them the opportunity of getting those skills.”

Imagine if we could see something similar in our western societies too.

I would love to see a similar set-up in the western world too – that we create business- and job opportunities for women so that they can be given the chance to break their destructive cycle of abuse, shame and guilt once and for all. To have a network of projects to assist women so that they can make a new start when they have no means to do so themselves, when they are stuck without money and work in a vicious cycle, or to help them break cycles of prostitution or abusive relationships.

This can’t be impossible, I am sure there could be ways we could create solutions in a completely new way, from a new angle. This is one of the things that I would love to create through the Crowdfunding campaign I am about to set up. I hope you will journey with me, and hopefully we could create something amazing and groundbreaking! Nothing is impossible.

Never-ending cycle

The other week I met a woman whose story made a huge impact on me. Hundreds of thousands of women around the world are experiencing the very same thing as she does – perhaps millions of women.

‘I am stuck in this situation’

She agreed to tell me her story on condition of anonymity, so let’s call her Maria.

She told me how she arrived in a new country a few years ago – no family, no visa, no accommodation, no relatives, no language, no income, nothing.” She was lured into the sex trade, where she was later forced to marry a man she didn’t know.
It wasn’t long after this that her husband started abusing her, and since then the insults, humiliation and beatings have continued.

“I don’t feel I’m treated like a human being,” she said. “I just want to leave this situation and live in peace with my daughter”, whom she hasn’t seen for 4years.

Maria told me she does not feel she can leave her husband as she does not have a job or money and speaks very little English. “I am stuck in this situation because I don’t know what to do, where to go.”

“I live in constant fear and worry and don’t know where to turn. With lack of funds there is little option to break out from the situation I am in, you are trapped in what feels like a never-ending, dark cycle.”

It’s time we listened to women like Maria – and not only listen – what is so badly needed to create change is action.  Action both on political and individual levels. That’s how we genuinely and truly can show women like Maria that we care, that they are not alone in their situation.

Not a one-sided problem

The gender equality agenda has been led by the women’s movement for decades. Women and girls have benefited immensely from this relentless advocacy and activism. We must and will continue our efforts.
But this is not just a one-sided problem or a one-sided task – so we can’t look for solutions only to the one side – we won’t find them there. This will take joint action and joint advocacy.

The engagement and involvement of men and boys – the other half of humanity – is needed to end discrimination against women and achieve gender equality in society.

We need men to speak out against all forms of discrimination, and to speak out against sexism, abuse and violence.

We need men to take action to stop violence against women, to refuse to be by-standers, but instead to be vocal and take action to show that abusive behaviour is not ok.

We need men to challenge gender stereotypes and to be positive role models in their families and communities.

We need to find new ways that are truly transformative. New visions, new ideas, new ways.

I believe that all forms of oppression are interconnected. Social justice work in the areas of race, class, gender, age and sexual orientation are all critical to ending violence against women.

We need governments and politicians, church leaders and social authorities, to go beyond just words or the ‘no-response-attitude’. We have to change the narrative because what is being done (or not being done!) in society is not working. We need action. We need a new route.

 

Common prejudices and myths

In many parts of the world, the subject of violence against women is taboo. The violence is often also surrounded by prejudices and myths. Below are some of the most common arguments you might come up against once you have decided to work towards making the world a better place by showing people that violence against women exists. None of the arguments below is an acceptable reason for not getting involved in the work to stop violence against women in the world.

1) “Many more men than women are killed.”
How can this be an argument for not trying to end the violence which kills women? It is like saying we should not try to cure one disease because there is another which kills more people. Yes, it is true that more men than women are murdered. But the violence which kills women is special, for a number of reasons. Women are often killed in their own home by someone they love or have loved; someone they have trusted and liked. One common motive is that they want to leave their husband, who will then lose the control he has had, or who is afraid of losing the control.  Many women are murdered when they decide to leave a relationship. The problem with violence against women in the home is that it has often been considered to be a private matter, but it is extremely damaging for the children who grow up with the violence. That is why we have to discuss violence against women as a separate problem if we want to put an end to it.

2) “The way in which different cultures view marriage and gender roles does not concern outsiders.”
According to international humanitarian law, the state has a responsibility to prevent, obstruct and punish all violations of human rights.  Violence against women is not considered to be a private matter. The UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 3: Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person. Article 5: No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. The Convention on the Abolition of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women was adopted in 1979. In 1993 the General Assembly of the UN adopted the Declaration on the Abolition of Discrimination Against Women. The Declaration states, among other things, that violence against women shall be made a criminal offence, that women who have been subjected to violence shall be entitled to support and care, and that resources shall be made available for research into violence in the home. Violence in the home has far-reaching consequences and the economic costs to society are enormous.  It is therefore a matter which concerns us all.

3)  “No doubt she had provoked him.”
Provocation is rarely, if ever, used as an excuse for other types of crime and it is not accepted by the courts as an excuse for criminal behaviour. A man who has been the victim of aggressive behaviour by another man in a pub does not have the right to strike out. In many cases of violence against women the assault has not even been preceded by an argument.

4) “If you go around dressed like that you’ve only yourself to blame if you’re raped.”
So if you go around wearing an expensive watch you’ve only got yourself to blame if you’re robbed? Men are not some kind of pre-historic creatures controlled by their impulses and unable to control their behaviour. They are human beings, and human beings choose their actions.

5) “It is only mentally ill/alcoholics/drug addicts etc. who beat women.”
Violence against women occurs in all groups in society, in all countries and in all religions and life philosophies. No religion or culture advocates violence against women.

6) “Men are violent by nature; they can’t help it, it’s just the way they are.”
Both men and women can be violent and non-violent. But there is a greater acceptance, and sometime even an idealisation, of men’s use of violence.  Male activities often involve the use of violence and exercise of power. This is a perception which can be changed.

7) “Certain women are drawn to violent men and they have to accept responsibility for that.”
There is no research to show that women who have been subjected to violence belong to a specific group or have a particular type of personality. The abuse can affect anyone. There are, however, circumstances which make certain groups of women more vulnerable and more likely to be exposed to violence.  Two of the risk factors are a woman’s ability to support herself and whether the society around her is violent.

8) “We don’t have a problem with violence and rape in our country. We have good legislation. ”
Violence against women is a global problem. It was not until modern times that some countries made it illegal for a man to beat and rape his wife. In 1965 Sweden became the first country in the world to introduce legislation on rape within marriage. Since then many other countries have followed.

This does not mean that the violence against women has stopped, not even in Sweden, the country that led the way. The laws are still difficult to apply, since the violence usually takes place in the home without any witnesses. If there are no documented injuries, then it is word against word, in which case the crime investigations are usually closed. Only 25% of all reported crimes of assault against women by a man close to her actually lead to prosecution. (However, most of the prosecutions lead to a conviction.) When it comes to rape, around 10% of the reported rapes lead to prosecution; and there is reason to believe that only 10% of all rapes are actually reported.

9)  “Women beat their husbands as often as men beat women.”
No, this is not true. Even taking into account that the number of unrecorded cases of women’s violence against men is in all probability high, all the research shows that the number of women assaulted by men is many times greater than the other way round. When men are assaulted, it is almost always by other men.

10) “What people do in their own homes is their business, no-one else’s.”
Is it? If so, where does the line go? If someone becomes unconscious? Or suffers life-threatening injuries? When there are children in the home? All children who are subjected to, or experience, violence in the home suffer. We do not know yet how serious the damage will be in the long term since children rarely talk about the violence unless an adult asks them. But we do know that children who do not have the opportunity to talk about it suffer more than those who have someone to talk to. Assault is a criminal act, not a private matter. If you hear a crime being committed you have a responsibility to show you care and contact the police.

11)  “If it was that bad she would have left a long time ago.”
All the research shows that the worse it gets, the smaller her chances of leaving the man. At first she believes it will be alright, it will pass, get better. That sense of hope increasingly becomes a feeling of resignation, self-contempt and apathy. As long as she had the energy she was hopeful and naïve. When the hope has died it is often too late. Then the man becomes repentant and considerate between the outbursts. And in many countries it is not even possible for a woman to leave an abusive husband. Without money of her own and without the support of those around her the woman is forced to remain in an abusive relationship, whatever she wishes she could do.

12) “Men beat their wives because they’re jealous.”
Jealousy is a strong risk factor when it comes to being subjected to violence and it can be an important warning signal that something is not right. However, in most countries or according to international humanitarian law, jealousy is not an accepted excuse for violence. Jealousy often leads to attempts to control a partner and in most cases that control goes beyond the normal limits. The woman is not allowed to travel in a car with another man, or to leave the house, or even to go to the shops to buy food.

13)  “Women make false police reports because they want revenge.”
That no doubt happens from time to time, but the opposite – that the woman does not report or talk about it at all – is much more common. Why would anyone wish to put themselves through an exhausting legal process in order to gain revenge? The majority of reported cases of violence in the home are not, in fact, prosecuted so the risk of a false accusation leading to a conviction is minimal.

14)   “Men who beat their wives were themselves beaten as children or saw their mothers being beaten.”
This is sometimes true, but childhood experiences are not the most common denominator for men who assault women. One common feature, however, is their view of women, the perception that men are superior to women and that women are expected to obey. And women who were beaten as children rarely beat their husbands.

15) “Violence does not occur in LGBT relationships.”
Violence occurs in all types of partner relationships, irrespective of the parties’ sexuality and gender identity. A woman can be raped by her girlfriend, a man beaten by his husband and a transgender woman threatened by her boyfriend. When violence occurs in an LGBT relationship, circumstances such as homophobia and transphobia can mean that the couple are already more isolated and more dependent on each other. It may be the case that one or both persons in the relationship has little or no contact with their family and that many of their friends are friends of both parties.

With thanks to: Cause of Death:Woman.